the essence of you

i don’t think i’m asking for the world,

only an escape from the harshness of reality that plagues my being

i don’t think i’m asking for the world,

only your touch, your attention,

your presence that lights corners i couldn’t bare to face on my own

i don’t think i’m asking for the world,

when the thing my heart most desires is to capture the essence of you—your warmth, your strength, the comfort of your presence.

and be seen, held and loved by you,

nothing more and no one else

yet, you make me feel as if i’m asking for the universe itself and all the infinitude contained within it,

as if i asked your to bring me the prettiest stars,

or to capture the infinite sky

i feel your hesitation, your retreat, your aversion—like you’re building a wall i’ll never be able to climb over,

and every brick you lay, leaves me feeling deserted, confused, hopeless.

it feels like a quiet rejection, a silent goodbye and leaves me stranded at the foot of that wall with nothing to hold onto

and it breaks me, it rips me to pieces—scatters it like shards of glass,

sharp, painful and irretrievable,

to a point where gluing these pieces back together is becoming impossible,

as i keep losing fragments of myself every time i shatter

because i don’t think i’m asking for the world,

i’m asking for you and all that you contain,

your light, your fire,

your shadows, your storms

i’m not asking for the world,

i never wanted it to begin with.

i only want you.

all of you.