courtesy message

the grey skies and the ceaseless rain,

reflect everything i feel today.

somber, sadness, sorrow—

for today, i had to let you go.

i had an inclination that it would be hard,

but watching our light fade away,

watching our passion run out,

watching you slip away from me,

left a heaviness in my heart

that i’m not sure i can bear.

i poured my heart and soul to you,

when yelling into the void would prove more fruitful.

your silence was so loud,

it drowned out all the words i never got to say, all the things we never got to be—

it shattered all the dreams i hopelessly held on for you and i.

one final message, a simple goodbye.

one final courtesy of grace,

one last sign of respect—

more than you deserve from me.

i will grieve, i will weep,

i will spend endless days rotting in my bed.

but in the end i know i’ll be okay,

because i loved, i cared,

i gave all that i had in me.

even when you refused to give it back.

and i will miss you,

as i have these days without your presence.

and i will love you,

as i have these days even in your absence.

and i will root for you,

as i have everyday since i laid eyes on you.

i will hate myself for it,

i will hate myself for not despising you,

i will hate myself for not seeing you as a villain, a selfish little man, a manipulator.

i will hate myself for loving you,

while i grieve, while i cry,

while i rot in my bed for endless days.

i will hate myself for writing this final goodbye

with so much love in my heart for you,

because you’re everything i dreamed of and today i let you go