courtesy message
the grey skies and the ceaseless rain,
reflect everything i feel today.
somber, sadness, sorrow—
for today, i had to let you go.
i had an inclination that it would be hard,
but watching our light fade away,
watching our passion run out,
watching you slip away from me,
left a heaviness in my heart
that i’m not sure i can bear.
i poured my heart and soul to you,
when yelling into the void would prove more fruitful.
your silence was so loud,
it drowned out all the words i never got to say, all the things we never got to be—
it shattered all the dreams i hopelessly held on for you and i.
one final message, a simple goodbye.
one final courtesy of grace,
one last sign of respect—
more than you deserve from me.
i will grieve, i will weep,
i will spend endless days rotting in my bed.
but in the end i know i’ll be okay,
because i loved, i cared,
i gave all that i had in me.
even when you refused to give it back.
and i will miss you,
as i have these days without your presence.
and i will love you,
as i have these days even in your absence.
and i will root for you,
as i have everyday since i laid eyes on you.
i will hate myself for it,
i will hate myself for not despising you,
i will hate myself for not seeing you as a villain, a selfish little man, a manipulator.
i will hate myself for loving you,
while i grieve, while i cry,
while i rot in my bed for endless days.
i will hate myself for writing this final goodbye
with so much love in my heart for you,
because you’re everything i dreamed of and today i let you go